


Almost

by danvsphil



Category: Phandom, dan and phil
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 11:09:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18467731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danvsphil/pseuds/danvsphil
Summary: “it's been a year since trying to live my truth have u lived it yet”“almost”Dan Howell sees a younger version of himself, who makes him wonder if he’s lived his truth yet.





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

> ahh this is my first proper dnp ‘fic’!! it might not be that amazing but hopefully you like it anyway :,)

“Are you happy?” A small voice spoke from behind him.

Dan spun around and saw a little boy staring up at him. A little boy with features reminiscent of his own; soft brown curls, deep blue eyes, a cute little nose anyone would want to boop, and even though he hadn’t yet smiled, he had dimples that appeared at even the smallest one.

The little boy was him. Dan Howell.

 _Why was his younger self staring up at him?_ He pondered as the little boy awaited an answer.

”Am _I_ happy?” Dan asked, pointing to himself as the boy nodded.

He thought of how to answer this question. Somehow his younger self had appeared out of nowhere, whether it was reality or just in his mind, and made him wonder.  _Was he truly happy?_

He thought about his entire life; when he was an innocent child, climbing trees and singing for his family at Christmas. Then his teenage years, where he felt sad almost all the time and tried to drown out the world with songs by MCR. He didn’t have a best friend and hated everything about himself.

Then there’s 2009. He met his ‘super best friend’, Phil Lester. It seemed like they were soulmates from the first conversation they’d ever had, that conversation about Muse. And how could he forget asking Phil for editing tips? It led to him creating _danisnotonfire_ , which was the start of creating an entire world with Phil by his side.

In 2012 everything nearly collapsed. Tension arose between him and Phil, and it was hard to even sit beside Phil without feeling weird.

But somehow they survived. Maybe because they really are soulmates, or because Dan just didn’t want to feel alone, but none of it mattered because they remained best friends. They even went on their first tour together, because the iconic duo known as  _Dan and Phil_ had created an entire world and they made that world so incredibly happy.

Fast forward just a few years later; he rebranded his channel and embraced his curly hair — yes, those soft curls the little boy in front of him had. He embraced  _Daniel Howell_ and maybe that was the start of trying to live his truth. He even opened up about his depression and made everyone feel like they could talk about it — and it _will_ get better eventually.

Another tour happened, and this time it was even bigger. Dan toured the world with his best friend by his side, meeting fans and hearing stories about how happy he makes them. Those stories, and hearing the deafening screams of everyone who loved him and Phil, made him feel like he was worth something 

Now he was here, in this moment. He was stood in front of his younger self, questioning if he was _actually_ happy.

”I don’t know, really,” he finally spoke. “What do you mean by happy?”

”Happy, like, is everything in your life perfect? Are you truly proud of who you are?” The little boy shrugged and awaited yet another answer.

_Had he lived his truth yet? Was he content with his life right now, was everything so perfect that he was as happy as he’d aspired to be as a kid?_

He was happy now, but he didn’t feel like it everything was perfect.

But that’s okay — it didn’t have to be perfect, at least not yet.

”I’m happy,” he smiled at the little Dan Howell, making his cute dimples appear. “My life isn’t perfect, and I’m not sure if it’ll ever be, but I’m trying to be proud of who I am.. one day.”

”One day,” the little boy smiled wide, his face bright and his precious dimples showing.

”I’m almost to that day,” Dan bent down and looked into his younger self’s golden brown eyes.

” _Almost_.”


End file.
